Oh hi, you must be here to see me. I mean, why else would you bother to read some obscure blog in the middle of nowhere? My name is Autumn, and I am a good girl. Most of the time, anyway.
Um, we aren't here to discuss my behavior are we? Because I have been a perfect little princess. I suppose I'd better introduce you to the other dog in the house though. He's the one that causes all the trouble you know.
Yeah, that's him. His people name is Ranger, but I call him brown and stupid. Or I would if I could see in color. He's been here a whole lot longer than I have, and he doesn't even have the people trained yet. How lame is that?
This is why I have to redirect him now and then. Once I get him whipped into shape, big brown will make a very nice domestic servant. He just has to learn to do what I tell him to do. It's not an easy job training someone as big and dumb as he is. You can't blame me for being a bit impatient at times.
Mom, please, she is being mean to be again. She drags me all over the place by my collar, and she snaps at me, and those little teeth are sharp. How long do I have to put up with this?
I guess I have my work cut out for me with this one. All he wants to do is lay around and think about dog treats. I get so bored I am tempted to bite him! And sometims I do. Right now I am trying to trim his toenails. He seriously needs a pedicure. Don't they have dog groomers out here in the boondocks? And you should see his teeth - ick! Does the term 'cat butt breath' mean anything to this big lug? What's a refined gal like me doing in a place like this anyway?
I do not have cat butt breath - I haven't been near the litter pan in weeks. Mom can't you do something about this? When is she going back to wherever she came from? She's making me crazy!
Ha ha ha, short trip there mongrel. I got news for you buster, this gal is going nowhere soon. The people think I'm cute, and they keep buying me new stuff. I can get them to do anything for me, just by rolling over or offering my paw. If I yip they pick me up and cuddle me or give me food. You think I am going to give up a racket like that?
I'm telling you dog, you gotta listen to me. You're doing this all wrong. We're supposed to be the ones on the couch. Let the people sit on the floor. You know, you never listen to me...
...and no wonder! When was the last time you cleaned your ears? Sheesh, it's a real mess in here! I bet I find Jimmy Hoffa, and Blackbeard's treasure too. Keep this up and they will take you to the vet, and you'll get the cold thermometer.
Mom, is she telling the truth? Am I going to the vet again? I can't possibly get fixed again can I? The last time that happened I wasn't broken but I came home with less parts than I left with. Mom? Mom? Are you listening to me? I am trying to be patient but she is impossible!!!! And I am just so tired...
I can't take this anymore. I need a nap.
That's OK, time for my spa treatment anyway. Well, at least I have the people trained now. A little to the left please, and try not to pull the fur.
That's all for now folks, I will get back to you when I have more progress to report on housebreaking my humans.
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